Suave is in the ring to start the show but he doesn’t even get through the introduction before…
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Behind Obama walks Joe Biden. Both look incredibly pissed off.
Suave wonders if it has anything to do with this…
Replay: White House Correspondent‘s Dinner aka ‘Nerdprom’It’s the big night. The stars come out at the gala including Kim Kardashian, Woody Harrelson, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Reese Witherspoon, Daniel Day-Lewis, Martha Stewart, Diane Keaton, Rashida Jones, John Legend among others interspersed with the ‘Blue’ table with Democrat wrestlers on one side of the room and the ‘Red’ table on the other side with Republicans.
Suave: Because nothing says America more than politicians parading around with celebrities at a time where ordinary Americans aren’t any closer to pulling themselves out of the economic hole they’re stuck in.
PCW CEO Barack Obama gave the traditional joke-filled address…
Obama: Seriously, guys, what am I doing here? I’m the CEO of Political Championship Wrestling and I’m opening for Jimmy Kimmel?…Why am I telling knock-knock jokes to Kim Kardashian? What is she famous for, anyway?
And then gave way to late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel…
Kimmel: When I think ‘Mitt Romney,’ I don’t think Etch a Sketch — I think of Twister. You can’t even play Monopoly with him, because he keeps putting the dog on the car.”
Both the Blue and Red tables hurled barbs back and forth until Kimmel uncorked this…
Kimmel: Some people say journalism is in decline, they say you’ve become too politicized, too focused on sensationalism, they say you no longer honor your duty to inform America but instead actively divide us so that your corporate overlord can rake in the profits. I don’t have a joke for this, it’s just what some people say.
*”Can You Hear the People Sing” from Les Miserables plays*
Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic from the American Heartland Coalition charged into the hall with PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas, Politically Incorrect (Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, NRA), The Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay), PBR and Chief, The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski), Ron Claude Von Dammit, Halitosis, SNAFU, Brad Company, Ken Worth- The American Trucker, and Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer. Suffice to say, all hell broke loose.
Blackwell hurls two steel chairs at the Republican table and the group wades in. Dawn McGill uses a kendo stick on Kim Kardashian and then blasts Republican Lani Harlot with a brutal kendo stick shot to the back. , and that’s enough to draw a “PCW, PCW, PCW!” chant from the crowd. Several celebs try to run away, but Valora Salinas chases them down and levels Martha Stewart with a clothesline. Both Red and Blue tables are engulfed in brawls as McGill goes back to work with the kendo stick before we on a running Reese Witherspoon. Svetlana Kovalevski wedges one of the chairs into the door and McGill sends a poor Diane Keaton into the chair.
McGill: And I hated Annie Hall, too!
Elizabeth Banks hides behind Woody Harrelson who tries to talk some sense into Valora. The probem is Valora’s not buying it and thumbs Harrelson in the eye. Banks gets back to her feet and tries to make a run for it but McGIll connects with a kendo stick shot to her back. Then Kovalevski hits a springboard dropkick that nearly takes Banks’s head off.
Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic make it up to the dias where PCW CEO Obama and long since fled the area and Kimmel simply steps out of the way.
Blackwell: Enough. The ‘issue’ is the fact that our politicians in Washington D.C. seem to be more concerned about money, power, and re-election than they are actually doing the work that we, the voters, elected them to do. The ‘issue’ is how are we going to get government to address the myriad of problems ordinary Americans face? Stagnant wages. Rising cost of living. Health care. Taxes. Bankruptcy and foreclosures. As a patriotic, free-thinking, independent, progressively populist American, I’m equally as f’n proud to stand for what I think is right for America and not what’s right for the Republicans and Democrats. I’m even more f’n proud that I choose to stand with ordinary Americans. You know, the ones who’ve seen their standard of living drop over the past few years and have been ignored by both parties because they’re too busy sucking up to their big money special interests to actually solve their problems.
The Republican and Democratic wrestlers try to get the podium but are driven back.
Blackwell: No, the people who have every right to be angry are ordinary Americans. The ones who’ve seen their government hijacked by extremists on both sides of the aisle and special interest groups. The ones who fight a never ending battle to feed their families and pay their mortgages with stagnant wages against the rising tide of the cost of living. The ones who don’t show up at expensive fund raisers or write out large checks to candidates. The ones who are losing their houses at an exponential rate to foreclosure. The ones who have to work multiple jobs to keep up and can’t afford the cost health insurance thanks to the greed of pharmacuetical companies, trial lawyers and insurance companies. The ones who’ve pretty much tuned out the political process for the one dollar, one vote, slime-filled cesspool that’s it’s become. Those are the ones who have the right to be angry; not partisans who shine the light on the cockroaches who infest the other parties while ignoring the ones that infest his own.
Obama angrily cuts the replay and says he’s going to deal with what happened Saturday night but suddenly we go to the back.
Both Republicans and Democrats are laying out Blackwell and the independents.
Then they realize something…and then the Republicans and Democrats go after each other.
Obama and Biden head to the back to stop the brawling as the show ends.